I ran to the store the other day to grab something real quick. I buzzed in, grabbed what I needed, and hurried to the checkout lines. I was real pleased with how fast I was getting in and out of there, until I saw the lines at the checkout. They were long, and moving slowly. Drat! Just my luck! Next was the tricky part, choosing a line. I seem to have the uncanny ability to choose the line that moves the slowest, regardless of which line-choosing technique I employ.
This time I decided to make a quick mental addition of all the items in each line, and get in the one with the least amount. There was a line with just two people in front of me. Yay! I picked that one. As soon as I got in line, people started getting in the line behind me. That meant I was committed, because if I decided to get into another line, it would be an even longer wait. I figured it wouldn't be too long though, so I decided to enjoy the wait and do my usual grocery line things....which include going into the grocery line altered state of mind. Some may call it meditation, some may call it a trance. I call it somewhere between a zombie and a coma.
The zombie-coma begins with a glance at the magazines and their highly intelligent headlines. "Such-and-such famous person may or may not be dating so-and-so". At this point the higher brain functions turn off in self defense, and you are left an empty shell that stares aimlessly at the candy and toys until it's your turn to checkout. You will note that checkout line designers were quite aware that your intelligence slips to that of a farm animal, because they've designed checkout lanes like long stalls.
So there I was in my zombie-coma, patiently waiting for my turn to be free, when a cashier opened up another lane. The five people behind me stampeded toward it, leaving me no choice but to stay where I was or risk being in a line longer. It was okay though, there was only one person in front of me now and it wouldn't be too much longer. It was just one little old lady and her care-giver, and they were buying cases of things. That should go pretty fast. And that's when it happened. Confusion on the part of the little old lady that was quickly compounded by confusion on the part of the caregiver. And then they brought out the Ad...and started to argue with the checkout cerk. Nooooooooo!
I gazed at the other lines enviously. At least they were moving. I watched helplessly as the people who were part of the stampede checked out one by one. I should have done that! That could have been me!Resigned to my fate I slipped back into my zombie-coma. Having looked at all the magazine covers and candy, I started looking at the ceiling and counting the spiderwebs. There were a lot. Eventually the confusion cleared up, but I think I was in that line for at least 7 minutes (it seemed like 20). Next time I have to choose a line, I need to remember to factor in the age and disposition of the people in front of me , and maybe quantum mechanics as well. They probably have something to do with it too.
6 comments:
Next time you need to bring Briget and Jacob....so they can cry and whine and make the experience more interesting for all...
aha! that is the issue, that happens to me as well. Tracie, it doesn't matter what you do, the rule of the line will always win. But don't ever let that stop you from trying, maybe someday you can figure it out, blaze a trail and then pass it on to me! Besides, it keeps your mind alert and ready to combat the future schemes of your children if you do these little exercises whenever possible.....good luck
That sounds like each and every one of my trips to the grocery store. Last time I really did wait in line for 20 minutes with only one person in front of me the whole time and I had one crying girl (or should we say screaming) and an impatient boy that started wandering off. No matter which line I choose it's always the slowest one.
Tracie, I just cannot believe you didn't account for quantum mechanics. I'm surprised at you.
You are so funny. I mean, it isn't funny that you got stuck in line, but it is funny the way you described your experience. I seem to always choose the "wrong" line too. Darn those old ladies and their ads.
I especially like the "zombie-comma" thing. It is so true. After waiting in line forever, even those light-up twirly suckers look cool. That's probably why so many kids have them. They were waiting in line forever.
I have definitely discovered that taking into account the age of those in line makes a difference. Check for old-fashioned checks, the ads, and the coupons-and STAY OUT OF THOSE LINES!!! And if that doesn't work, you can mutter under your breath (like I have been known to do), or pray for more patience(shouldn't I always be doing that?!?)
Post a Comment